


Amnesia

by liamthebastard



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamthebastard/pseuds/liamthebastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>But you went away, how dare you?</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Andersfel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andersfel/gifts), [beeabumblebitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeabumblebitch/gifts).



> I keep saying this is the perfect Sterek song, so I guess I have to write it.

Even driving through Beacon Hills felt wrong, with his pack scattered along the coast. The whole town felt empty without his betas. Scott and Allison were in Sacramento at California State. Boyd was at an engineering school in Oregon. Erica was in design school in LA. Lydia and Jackson were at Berkley. Isaac was still there, going to the nearby community college and living in Derek's loft, but one beta does not make a pack. And Stiles...

 

~0~

 

"Derek. I got in," Stiles said. Derek glanced up from Stiles's bed, where he was sprawled awaiting research. " _Derek,_ ohmygodohmygodohmygod  _I got in!_ _ **Derek**!_ " Stiles's voice was going dangerously high pitched. 

"Got in where?" Derek asked. Acceptance letters had been pouring in all week from all over the country. Each time, Stiles would open the letter, make some disparaging noise, and toss it into a basket with all the other letters. Derek had just assumed he wasn't getting enough money from the schools, or that they were too far away. But judging by how much Stiles was now jumping around, he had been waiting for this particular school's letter.

" _Boston University,_ " Stiles shrieked, pumping his fists in the air. "Ohmygod they're even giving me a full scholarship,  _Derek!_ " Stiles keeps talking a mile a minute, about how much the move is going to cost, whether or not his Jeep is up for a cross-country drive, how fantastic the acceptance is, but Derek can't hear a thing.

 _Boston._ As in, across the country Boston. Derek didn't even know Stiles was  _considering_ schools that far away. The rest of the pack is at least staying on the same coast... was Stiles really so unhappy with them? Was he trying to get away from all the craziness that was part and parcel with being close to werewolves? What was so good about Boston that it was worth leaving Derek, leaving the pack, behind?

Derek wanted to ask, wanted to tell Stiles he needed to stay with the pack, but Stiles was so excited... and he wasn't a werewolf. It wasn't Derek's place to tell him to stay with the pack. He was human, Derek held no claim on him. 

So he kept quiet, and let Stiles continue his victory dance.

 

~0~

 

A few weeks later on a Saturday night, the entire pack was piled up in the woods, passing around a few bottles of whatever wolfsbane-laced alcohol Lydia had whipped up. Allison was at home with her dad, and Stiles had just shown up, special happy-face marked beers in hand, signaling that they were wolfsbane free and therefore safe for human consumption. By the time Stiles was into his second beer, the rest of the pack was sound asleep in a puppy pile, excluding Derek, who had named himself designated Alpha. He'd long since given up the fight on underage drinking, if they were old enough to be werewolves, they were old enough to drink. Stiles, of course, just did it anyway, no matter how much Derek glared. 

Instead of sprawling next to Scott like Derek expected, Stiles came and sat next to Derek, back against the same large tree. Stiles tipped his head back, exposing the long line of his neck, and Derek pretended not to see. "Hey Der-Bear," Stiles chirped. "D'you ever make wishes on stars?" Derek just grunted and rolled his eyes. "Well I do, on the same one every night. Hey! Point out Sirius, and then you can make a wish with me." 

Derek sighed, but lifted his hand to point to where Sirius was peeping through the leaves. 

"Thanks, man, I'm crap at finding stars with all the leaves like this. Now, cross your fingers and close your eyes. Just do it, c'mon, don't glare at me," Stiles cajoled. Derek obeyed, and wondered what happened to his ability to tell Stiles no. "Okay, wish time.  _Star light, star bright, best star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight._ Now make your wish, Der, and I'll make mine."

Apparently drunk Stiles didn't know wishes didn't come true, especially if you say them out loud, because he started to mumble his wish under his breath. "I wish this never had to end."

 _I wish you didn't have to go_ , Derek wished silently. When he opened his eyes, Stiles was suddenly closer, leaning in. 

"Look, dude, I haven't told anyone, but I- I have to leave Monday, for Boston. They want me early, and I've been wanting to do this for years, and dear  _god_ please don't kill me for this, just let me have this okay? Blame it on the beer or hormones or something I don't care, just let me do this, please," Stiles continued chattering, but Derek was captivated by the way he kept licking his lips, and suddenly it slammed into what Stiles wanted, and he couldn't say no.

He leaned closer, tugging Stiles into a soft, sweet kiss. Stiles gasped when their lips met, and Derek was granted a brief taste of  _Stiles_ and  _beer_. It was the beer that snapped him out of it. This was wrong, Stiles was too young and had been drinking, he couldn't do this. Derek pulled back, ignoring the part of him that longed to kiss Stiles again and again, to beg him to stay with the pack, to stay with Derek. "I'm driving you home," Derek said firmly, "Keys." Stiles handed them over without protest, and let Derek lead him back to where the Jeep was parked.

They drove in silence, and Stiles was quiet until Derek got him up to his room. Derek was heading for the window, his back to Stiles, when Stiles spoke. "Derek. Just- just tell me we're okay," he asked.

And Derek knew, just like that, that if he said anything to Stiles about how important he was to him and to the pack, Stiles would know. The kid had a habit of ferreting out the truth, no matter how innocuous the words that hid it were. And if he knew the truth, he'd stay. And maybe he wouldn't hold it against them, not at first, but as time went on, Stiles would resent them all, especially Derek. So Derek made a choice. He didn't turn around, didn't bother to look at Stiles as he said it, legs already out the window when he spoke. 

"Go to Boston, Stiles. Just go."

He didn't look back, and Stiles didn't try to find him before he left.   

 

~0~

 

Scott had Skyped in alone earlier that day, Allison had been out getting groceries. He'd too-casually mentioned that Stiles was seeing someone pretty seriously. Scott had known something went down between his Alpha and his best friend, he'd just kept quiet. But when Derek refused to even look at the screen when Scott brought it up, he got angry.

"He's doing alright without you, you know. Whatever you did, it didn't stick. He's just fine," Scott had said heatedly.

_I know. I know he's fine. It's me who's not._

But Derek was the Alpha, he couldn't show his betas this weakness. It was his job to take the hit. Better Stiles hate him but come back to the pack later on than stay for him and hate the pack in the future. 

Better he hurt than his pack.

 

~0~

 

Stiles had gone through this phase in his senior year where he Snapchatted  _everything_. Anything he saw that made him laugh, he Snapped. And sent to Derek, since Derek was the only one who ever responded, even if it was just pictures of him glaring. 

Derek had taken screenshots of almost every single one of the Snaps. Not that he'd ever admit it to Stiles, but he still had them in his phone. Tonight, with this wild feeling clawing at his chest, he longed to look at them. But if hearing his name from Scott's mouth had hurt so badly, how much worse would it hurt to look and see him grinning and goofy? And to know that he'd never look at Derek that way again?

It was too much, this feeling boiling in his veins. It was almost like the need to shift, he just wanted to pull his car over and run and run until he couldn't think. So he drove to the preserve, ditched his Camaro, and started to run. 

Too soon, his legs refused to support him any longer. His phone was out of his pocket and in his hand before he even hit the ground. Before he lost his nerve, Derek hit Stiles's icon and dialed his number.

" _Hi, you've reached Stiles Stilinski, supernaturalist. If you're hearing this, I'm either screening my calls or not around right now. Leave a message!_ " It was the same stupid message he'd recorded junior year, claiming everyone would just think it was a television reference, not an actual job description. Derek had just growled a little, and let it go. 

"Hey, it's me. Uh. Derek. I just- I can't get you out of my head. I know I messed up, and I'm sorry. I did what I thought was best for everyone, and I still think it was right, but I can't keep acting like you didn't, like you don't  _mean_ something to me. So. I'm- sorry. Bye." Derek ended the call before he could embarrass himself more. Knowing Stiles, he'd know exactly how pathetic Derek was just by the first word. Stiles was intuitive like that. 

He was so fucked.

 

~0~

 

The weekend rolled around without a response from Stiles. Not that Derek was expecting one. He wouldn't want to talk to him either. But it was Saturday night, so Isaac went out with some friends from school, meaning Derek had the option to mope all night without his beta looking at him with concern. 

He was halfway into a good sulk in the kitchen when someone started banging on the front door frantically. Derek sprints to the door, telling himself he's imagining the familiar heartbeat on the other side of the door. He flung it open, and saw Stiles Stilinski on the other side, hand raised in a fist to bang on the door more. 

"You  _absolute fuckhead_ ," Stiles started angrily, storming into the living room. "What the hell was that message? Why now? It's been almost a year, you idiot, why the  _hell_ did you wait?" _  
_

Derek blinked. "Wait. What are you angry with me for?"

"For waiting! You couldn't have apologized earlier? For Christ's sake, I've only picked up the phone to call you every damn day, but put it down because if you had wanted to talk to me you would've, and you hadn't, so clearly you must hate me for the whole kissing you thing, but you seemed okay with it at the time, but then you told me to  _leave_ and I just don't even know with you man!" Stiles shouted.

"I... I don't hate you," Derek finally said, trying to figure out why Stiles was so upset. 

Stiles seemed to shrink in on himself a little, his anger deflating. "Then why did you send me away?" 

Every instinct in Derek's body is screaming at him to go comfort Stiles, but he holds back. Stiles isn't his to comfort, despite his mysterious reappearance in Beacon Hills. "You wanted to go! You were so excited, Stiles, I couldn't take that from you," Derek said.

"You're an  _idiot_. I wanted you, I wanted my  _pack_ , more than I wanted Boston. Yeah, the city's fine, the school is great, but it's nothing,  _nothing,_ compared to you and the pack. You guys come first. Always." Stiles was fierce in his conviction, but Derek was still wary. _  
_

"It's not fair to ask that of you-"

"Did you want to though? To ask me to stay," Stiles interrupted.

Derek just nodded. 

" _Then do it_ ," Stiles commanded, stepping closer, deliberately invading Derek's space. "Ask me to stay." 

"I can't," Derek argued. "You've got someone waiting for you back there, Scott said-"

"Scott lied. He does that, when he thinks it's in his friends' best interest," Stiles said. "There's no one waiting for me, I haven't dated anyone since I left." And his heartbeat stays steady, showing Derek the truth in the statement. "Now _ask me to stay_."

Derek sighed, leaning his forehead against Stiles's. "Please. Stay," he said.

"Tell me why. Why should I stay," Stiles said, sliding his hands over Derek's hips. 

"For the pack," Derek tried.

"Wrong answer. The pack isn't here, Derek," Stiles reminded him.

Derek groaned, giving in to instinct and looping one of his arms around Stiles's back and using the other hand to cup his head. "For me. Stay for me," Derek asked quietly, hating himself for needing this, for exposing himself like this. 

"I'll stay. Not for you, or the pack, but because this is what I want, Derek Hale. I want you, and I want to be here  _with_ you," Stiles whispered. "And I'm going to kiss you now, both of us sober this time."

And in this, like in everything else, Derek had no desire to deny him. 


End file.
